When you were younger and you were teased at school, you were told by your parents that you shouldn’t listen to their teasing. That never made much sense when you were a kid because you knew that the teasing wouldn’t stop if you were the one doing the telling. But as you grew older, you still were affected by the taunts of others, even if they weren’t on the playground anymore. We all want everyone to like us and to admire us, so when we’re trying to achieve something, what do we do about the opinions of others?
Our dreams are special things that we hold close to our hearts. When people try to trample on them – even though they don’t mean to – we are hurt. We begin to feel as though we will never have the success we want. Our motivation goes down the tubes and we simply believe that maybe the others are right. This can dash our dreams quickly and make us refuse to dare to dream again.
Sharing Your Success?
In order to quiet others, there are several things you can do. One, you could simply not tell people what you want in your life. This way, it’s a secret until you succeed, which will help keep people from commenting at all. Or you might want to tell others what you are doing, but don’t open up the matter for discussion. If anyone gives you negative feedback, you can thank them and then change the subject. You dont need to communicate your dreams and goals to nay-sayers.
The truth is that other people don’t necessarily know what’s right for you – only you know that. And while their intentions might be good in their eyes, it’s what you think that makes a difference at the end of the day. If you hear something that bothers you, take a moment to ask yourself if it’s something that you believe. If not, move on and smile.
Have a most outstanding day
Sean Rasmussen
Success Communicator
SeanRasmussen.com © 2004 – 2008
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Definitely beware the nay-sayers! Particularly in Australia, there is a tendency to try and cut down tall poppies – the successful people who others find threatening. It can take a thick skin to avoid letting destructive criticism from taking the wind out of one’s sails.
When I am speaking to someone who I suspect is likely to do this, I’d rather not share what I am hoping to achieve, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, if I haven’t had success so far, I would be opening myself up to criticism that may sap my motivation.
But secondly, if I have had success towards my goals, then this may threaten that person’s beliefs, which isn’t good for me or them.
Far better to only share my goals with positive individuals who are likely to encourage me. One of my favourite lyrics is from a song called Shine by an artist called Henry Rollins. It is bang on point and goes:
“if I’d listened everything that they said to me, I wouldn’t be here!
and if I took the time to bleed from all the tiny little arrows shot my way, I wouldn’t be here!
the ones who don’t do anything are always the ones who try to put you down;
and you could spend your entire life walking around in the nowhere land of self doubt…”
.-= Tom McEwin´s last blog ..Getting Targeted Internet Traffic and a Hungry Crowd =-.
Ah the tall poppy syndrome. It sort of puts people in a difficult position when you would like to share with others your dreams or achievements, only to have it ridiculed or to see the jealousy come out.
I don’t mind this except for when I see it from people who I would have a higher expectation of. Close friends or family that should be in support of you sometimes seem to exhibit strange behavior. In that case it is much better to keep it to yourself and others who have a like mind to yours.
.-= Cemil´s last blog ..Real Law of Attraction =-.
Hi Sean,
I don’t think it matters what people say; it only matters how you handle what they say. I think you have to be realistic. People will say negative things for lots of different reasons.
I think you have to expect the negative comments and do what you can to insulate yourself from them. You can do this by having a burning desire, building your belief and faith that you will have the thing you desire. You can set some goals, have a plan and do the work.
Use the negative comments. Say to yourself, “My best mate says no-one is going to read my blog” and yet, check this out. I have a comment and it’s not from my Mum or a spammer.
I think it’s about staying focused and just believing in yourself. When all else fails, call your Mum. You can always rely on her to tell you how wonderful you are.:)
These days in the schoolyard they say – sticks and stones will break my bones… hey is anyone filming this for youtube? But that sad state of affairs is another story. It is a natural human trait to want to make themselves look good. That’s pretty hard to do when people are questioning your credibility or worse, are outright against your position. So it’s normal to seek out the opinions of those around you and be guided by those responses in forming your goals and plan of action. And that is why it is extremely important to try to surround yourself with positive and supportive people.
Jazz makes a good point. It’s not what they say but how you react to what they say. If you have the emotional intelligence and mental toughness to do what you want to do and know what is right for you then no matter what others say, you will succeed.
What others say about you often says more about them than you. Every so often I am reminded of how important meta-stating is. If you ‘go meta’ when someone says something negative about you then what they say becomes interesting. If you want to inoculate yourself against negativity, meta-state yourself.
.-= Wal Heinrich´s last blog ..Internet Marketing Why? How? =-.
I agree Wal that what other people say says a bundle load of BS. We ‘yay-sayers’ need to pull out a mirror & hold it up to their faces so they can see the words they say is a reflection of their own perceptions. Imagine a utopian world where we all believed anything is possible!
.-= Samantha Banfield´s last blog ..Sean Rasmussen and his crazy talk! =-.
Excellent advice, and this subject is prominent in the challenge of fulfilling our dreams anyway. Learning to detach from the ol messages lets go of the blockages.
.-= Jo Carey-Bradshaw´s last blog ..Empowering Mindset – Mindfulness =-.
This is one thing I have struggled with all my life. I grew up believing in the BS that people around me said to me – even my own father – he would put me down & make me feel so small! It has been hard fighting the negative comments which eventually become part of me.
It is important to ask yourself what is their intention. For my Dad, I understood as I got older that he was afraid of me cause he could see that I was “smarter” than he. But he had damaged a little girl – and it’s no excuse.
I know when (& if) I ever have children to make sure that they know how important they are & not to listen to the ‘small talk’ of others.
For the most part, you can ignore the negative feedback, the nay-sayers, those that lovingly tell you not to waste your time.
However, on the OTHER hand, why would you want to cut yourself off from such a motivational tool? “It’s a waste of time!”, “That’s stupid!”, “Why would you want to do THAT for?” I know we shouldn’t strive to achieve our accomplishments to rub it in the faces of people when we succeed, so wouldn’t it be better to use them to fire you up and turn it around to, “How long did it take?”, “That’s fantastic!”, “How can I do that?”
I guess it all comes down to your personal level of conviction, and so long as you don’t get overwhelmed by those that are opposing you, well intentioned or not.
Cheers,
Pete
.-= Pete´s last blog ..peteboyr: @bullhunter Thanks, Sean. Just reviewing the webinar, and will get to your blogs after that. Big night ahead, pizza on the way! =-.
Hi Pete,
I’m with you. I think it’s a good idea to take the pain and use it to motivate you. After all, these people are only expressing their fears. They don’t think they could ever do it so how could you?
The bottom line is you have to decide if you’re strong enough to handle it. If not, then choose carefully who you tell but if you are; then take the pain and let it drive you to achieve.
.-= Jazz Salinger´s last blog ..Finding Your Passion =-.
Hi Sean
What I have to say here about ‘Forget What Others Say’ is short and sweet:
What others say or think about you is none of your business. Mind on the job, eyes on the job, thoughts on the present. Be aware of your own thoughts, not others.
It’s true that people don’t know what’s right for you – in the long run, only you can know that. Even good friends often advise what they think we ought to do – when it is what they would do – which, if you think of context – is entirely different.
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” (am in an Oscar Wilde mood)
Thanks Sean,
This a very simple truth but still has a big presence in my day to day life. It’s quite odd that the things that effect us as children actually continue to have the same effect as we get older if they do not get dealt with along the way. I often witness grown men that claim to be mature & macho that still have temper tantrums like they did when they were 5 years old or take what someone says to heart & let it fester inside them like a tumor of negativity.
I am learning to focus my mind on things that are positive & important rather than what is not & really enjoy reading posts like this one : )
.-= jeremy´s last blog ..jlagatule- RT @tonyrobbins For you night owls still upCome be the first to have a sneak peak of R Breakthrough insiders site http-bitly-caSRxw =-.