Recently, someone told me my body temporarily broke down because I was giving to much to others and not having enough time to myself. It stopped me in my tracks! I was forced to spend time on me…
Uncover The Mystery That Is “Your Life”
If there comes a point in your life when you simply can’t see the answers, you might feel pain and frustration with yourself. It seems like you should be able to help yourself uncover the mystery that is your life, so when you can’t figure things out, you might start to berate yourself for even trying. Though it seems like the rest of the world keeps us from being happy, we’re actually our own hardest audience. And that’s why a new relationship with your own identity is in order.
Look at yourself in the mirror right now – what do you see? You probably see the flaws in yourself or you don’t take the time to look at yourself because you feel like a disappointment to everyone. Now, look again in the mirror and pretend that you know this person, but that they are a separate identity from you. Think of this person as your best friend. Would you say that same things to them that you are saying to yourself whenever something goes wrong? Probably not.
So What Do You Do For Your Best Friend? You…
• Help them see another solution
• Cheer them on when they are feeling low
• Let them vent and be frustrated
• Ask them if they need help
• Point out things that might not be correct in their thinking
• Always focus on the positive points
• Support them unconditionally
And yet, we rarely do these things for ourselves. Looking over this list, doesn’t this look like just what you need in order to feel better when things are rough?
Each time you begin to attack yourself or get down on yourself for something, try to look at the situation as though it were happening to someone else and not to you. Not only will you learn to be gentler on yourself, but you might also find that you do like yourself much more than you realized. And you might want to be your own best friend.
Have a most outstanding day, my friend 
Sean Rasmussen
Success Communicator
SeanRasmussen.com © 2004 – 2008
{ 106 comments… read them below or add one }
This was a great post. It reminds me of something I learned from the Four Agreements:
If you don’t like what someone else has to say, you can walk away.
But if you don’t like what you have to say about yourself you can’t walk away.
If you’re with yourself all the time you might as well be nice to yourself.
=)
Makes you wonder what the world would be like full of people wandering around not being nice to themselves!
I suspect we have that situation already in spades – think of the conflicts going on all over the world – just Africa alone – with tribes decimating each other, or that fool in Zimbabwe, or the number of families that tear each other apart – not to mention crime rates and so on.
Thanks Jonathan. That is a good point and it really drives home the importance to be especially nice to yourself. We live in our own skin and we might as well like it.
Being friends with youself sounds like fun, but every relationship can benefit from a nice constructive conflict. Even if that conflict is inside your soul. Being gentler on yourself does not work in some cases. Strictness does not mean a lack of love.
Hi Igor. Sure. I agree. My points are directed to the fact that majority of people are far too harsh on themselves. Self worth is possibly at an all time low and teenage suicides are through the roof. We don’t want conflicts going too far but I do get your point. Thanks for your feedback.
Your own self worth is a valuable tool to have in your arsenal. A lot comes from what we are ‘fed’ and really the starting point is with children.
We had some friends who had an 18 month boy and during a stay at our house the mum was constantly say he was a naughty boy. 18 months on they were staying and with no prompting from a situation their son came out with “I’m such a naughty boy”.
I could see the issue brewing in the first instance but just shows if we continue to be fed this kind of thing we will believe it.
I’m a naughty boy, I’m useless, I’m hopeless … it’s all just another way of feeding ourselves the same thing.
Friends don’t tell each other things like this. It all starts with ourselves. Give ourselves the right message and it will be easier to pass on.
Isn’t that a great way to make a kid feel worthless – right up into his adulthood. Has she no idea of self-esteem and that when children are young, parents are the primary source of influence for building it?
And it will continue into his adulthood should he not seek to change.
I wasn’t happy about the behaviour he exhibited in front of Mitchell and the interesting that Mitchell at the age of only 18 months didn’t want to stand beside this boy for a photo. Each time he stepped toward Mitchell, Mitchell stepped away.
Kids pick up on ‘messages’ even if they can’t articulate the fact.
It is a bit sad isn’t it? And, boy do kids pick up ‘messages’ and signs – and like Mitchell, from an early age. It says something abou the quality of role modelling especially by parents.
Sean’s points above about what do you do for your best friend are also applicable to parenting
Wow! That’s terrible. And yet who are you to correct their parenting “skills”? I find it so difficult when I’m at my in laws as my parents in law are so negative. They treat my nephew (their grandson) like an idiot and he’s 14. They often comment (in front of him) that he has no friends, that he might not pass a grade, etc and I always try to follow up with him with a positive.
When I see them do this and say awful things to my own son I just cringe. I’ve tried talking to them, tried telling them I’d rather them say… but they don’t listen and look down on me for suggesting it. I know they raised 3 kids and I completely respect the way they have (I wouldn’t have married their son if he wasn’t a good person) but the negativity depresses me.
It’s crazy how young the negative statements start, too. I only went a few days of saying “let’s go change you, Will” or even “let’s change your bum” and abruptly changed it to “let’s change your diaper”. It may not seem like much but such phrases stick like my butt to the leather cushion in humid weather. lol
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..So Absolutely Thrilled I’m Shaking-
I know this is getting a bit off the topic now but would just like to respond anyway.
It is really hard when it is so close to home. Sometimes people are set in their ways and some ‘old school’ thinking. Sometimes it is a protection for some to keep people at their level so that they don’t roar off ahead and be bigger and better.
I have over more recent years clashed with my Mum as she is trying to treat me the way she was treated by her Mum. I think we clash on that because I know I don’t deserve to be treated in such a fashion. I have been blunt, frank, heck, I have no idea how much more open and transparent I can be. Sometimes she will talk to me as though I had said none of it.
Twice now she would have died had I not stood up and noticed things were wrong. She has acknowledged if I hadn’t intervened that would be so but still thinks I interfering. When I asked her how should I deal with that on my conscience she replied it was up to me.
Stepping back some wasn’t much easier so for my own sanity and wellbeing have stepped back all together. It does hurt lots but I have said my piece quite clearly and openly and know I have done all I can. Where to is up to her.
Back to your inlaws, it is extremely hard when it’s so close. Maybe limiting the number of times or length of time may be useful. Of course your husband’s support in doing something like that would be important. Maybe they will get to see you are serious about your beliefs. They may or may not want to change.
At the end of the day if you and your husband are the ones who spend the most time with William then you should have the stronger influence. As he grows up pre-school, friends, school will be full of situations and challenges that are contrary to your beliefs. You just working on associating more with the like-minded crowd.
P.S. We don’t see those friends any more.
I don’t think this is off topic at all as being able to come to grips with the family who made us who we are today is valuable in becoming our own best friend.
I do limit the time and speak up for myself and my son while there which is creating conflict and makes me feel horrible yet I know what I want for my son. Last night, for example, my sister in law made a joke about my being so strict on what I feed my son. I couldn’t live with myself if I followed her parenting “skills” and so I’m obvious with the differences. I felt bad about my decision only for a micro second as I realized I want greatness for my son and believe my choices now are setting him up to be a huge success.
I now ignore but be civil to this sister in law as she has her own parenting methods and I feel I can learn a lot from her by realizing how adamant I am in my own lessons.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..A House of Straw
I agree Sean, we live in a society that is riddled with self doubt and poor self-image. As you say, teen suicide is indicative of it sadly.
Discipline, applied correctly, is neither harmful nor lacking love. I am not sure strictness is the right word, as it implies somewhat a distancing from the emotional.
Is constructive conflict an oxymoron? Some would argue that the Irag conflict was constructive.
Negotiation and assertiveness are more positive.
Hi Sean! I really love this post. You do give a lot of time to others and it will all come back to you in many way even if that’s not the reason you give. I do believe in karma as I see it every day and usually when I never expect it. “Be your own best friend.” – what a great phrase!
I like the idea of putting yourself in somebody else’s shoes and I try to do that in virtually every situation. I live life like I’m in a never ending classroom…it never ends. I have really made such great strides in coping with life’s setbacks and even if I fail, I will never stop – only death can stop me.
I’m almost finished reading your book. I’m working too many hours, but I have taken the time to read. I will definitely write a recommendation for you! Have a great day and stay on your path. You are an inspiration to me and I for one appreciate it!
Well done on feeding your mind with positive inspiring material.
I haven’t always found the time to read so I recently got myself an ipod so I can listen to some. I do have audios on the computer but when I get up and down have to pause etc but with the ipod I can take it wherever I go. Makes housework go faster and even listen while hanging the washing on the line!
Thanks Bobby. Indeed, you are an inspiration to me too! I frequent your blog often and recommend it to many. Keep up the good work yourself. Thanks a lot.
What a really interesting concept – I hadn’t come across the idea of stepping outside of oneself, to analyse problems as if they were the problems of a stranger. But it makes a lot of sense.
I know when I have made mistakes, it is easy to beat myself up about it, and dwell on it longer than I should, longer than required to learn from a particular mistake. But I would never do this to a friend of mine. Why? Well, I guess if I did excessively berate a friend, then they may not be my friend for very long.
However, I am kind of stuck with me no matter how badly I treat myself. Might as well play nice.
Tom McEwin´s last blog ..Getting Targeted Internet Traffic and a Hungry Crowd
Hi Sean,
I love this concept and it’s another I’m working on mastering. I find that it’s easier for me to be kind and accept flaws in others but my expectations for myself are different.
I’m harder on myself than others because I feel I should know better. I know what the right things to do are and if I haven’t done them I feel disappointed in myself. I’m trying to hold myself to some higher standard that most of the time I have no chance of living up to.
I would never expect perfection from my friends. I’m still learning to be kind to myself and be my own best friend.
Most times we are like a freshly painted wall, and we feel good about that wall. Then a fly comes along and lands on that beautiful wall and all we can see is the rotten fly. We neglect all those fabulous square metres of beautiful wall for the tiny speck of a fly.
Wal Heinrich´s last blog ..Internet Marketing Why? How?
Not seeing the forest for the trees – that a good analogy Wal.
Its a trap for us who are trying to get established onlone in internet marketing. Thankfully this Learn and Earn comp is providing some stepping back ideas so we can see the larger picture – or wall as you put it.
Hi Sean,
That’s good advice. Be my own best friend. I can be my own worst enemy at times and not even realize it. I have learned though to not be too hard on myself and to give myself credit where credit is due.
If I don’t no one else will.
Jill.
Great post Sean
I’ve been going through a period where nothing has been going right for me. I have turned it around because I have belief in myself and a PMA.
Danny
Reading this post today is really strange, as I was a bit like Sean, always saying yes even when I didn’t really want to, I never wanted to let anyone down, Today I said NO to someone only because I had decided I just didn’t want to Sew anymore, then started justifying my decision………..what I should have just said is “No I am not doing that anymore” so I am learning to look out for me
Good for you Rita! I have had such an issue with pleasing everyone that I constantly said ‘yes’ even when I didn’t want to, just to keep other people happy. And I too felt when I did say ‘no’ (albeit reluctantly) I justified the reasons & then still felt terrible because I felt like I was letting them down so badly.
I even went to the extreme of trying to make it up to them by doing something else or buying them a little chocolate or something – anything to make everything “alright” again. How ridiculous does that sound? I can’t believe I did that!! I still have some issues around that – but avoid situations when I can.
Samantha Banfield´s last blog ..Sean Rasmussen and his crazy talk!
Yeh Rita – you have every right to say no without feeling guilty – it’s called being assertive.
I have tended to be my own worst critic so your ideas are very handy. I will look at implementing this and take the pressure off myself
Gee´s last blog ..Why You Should Just Ignore Fad Diets (Part 2)
You and me both Gee. That’s why I have so much trouble getting done what seems so easy for others to do. But I look back & say “That’s crap – you can’t write!! I don’t even know why you even bother.”
But if I can’t be my own best friend how can I expect others to see a friend in me?
Samantha Banfield´s last blog ..Sean Rasmussen and his crazy talk!
I love the idea that there is a mystery of my life to uncover – like an adventure that I definitely want to do!
At the end of the day we have only got ourselves to lean on (literally). And there are times where I can be quite hard on myself – so these questions and going through a daily ritual will help.
Samantha Banfield´s last blog ..Sean Rasmussen and his crazy talk!
Hello Sean,
Love this Blog. As a Mum and as a southy (Paul Blackburn program) I am always putting up my hand, actually my whole arm, to help out. I have such trouble saying NO, and I am starting to learn that to be true to myself, and true to my family I need and have to say NO. I have not thought to treat myself like I treat others (with kindness) mind you I always tell my boys “To Treat others as You would like to be treated from them”. Maybe I need to adopt my own words for myself
Looking within to Be My Own Best Friend.
Cheers
Lisa
Lisa Wood´s last blog ..Married 15 Years
“No” is a vital lesson to learn and teach. You aren’t the bad person for saying it, you’re a hero for meaning it and saying what you mean.
It’s difficult to understand that sometimes saying no is best for everyone involved but it has to be sad and not abused.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..So Absolutely Thrilled I’m Shaking-
It is not a good habit to be everything to everybody which is what happens when you don’t say NO. I’m sure you realise that and also the more you say yes the more people will rely on you. And that’s not good for them either.
Instead of feeling uncomfortable saying NO encourage a buddy along on the task and teach them how. That way you’re not really saying NO you are stepping aside to let them shine too.
Now it has become teamwork.
Wise advice – and usually given by those who have learned the ‘hard’ way.
Sometimes too, we over-work, not because we are driven by fear, but because we love what we are doing so much we lose ourselves in the project.
I’m discovering there needs to be a balance here, too, else we achieve and have nothing left of ourselves to enjoy it!
Jo Carey-Bradshaw´s last blog ..Empowering Mindset – Mindfulness
So many of us have learnt the hard way – would you agree Jo?
Why must we take ourselves on the more difficult path in life????
Samantha Banfield´s last blog ..Sean Rasmussen and his crazy talk!
Ahhh Sam. ‘The Hard Way’ is probably the sub-title of a lot of really great movies. And perhaps the group thought that we are all growing out of about that way being the only way to achieve.
When we think about it – it is really only just a perception of whether something is hard or not. As a parent of a new-born, to devote a 24/7 focus is bliss; as a farmer to care for the land is a lifetime’s work. And there are those who choose/prefer to not indulge themselves in those experiences. And so the ‘difficulty’ seems only to turn out to be whether we enjoy the path or not.
Old patterns can be entrenched, but they Can be changed in the blink of an eye too. (I’m still working on that one – and the clearer I get about my definition of me, where I am and where I intend to be, the better my path is.)
Jo Carey-Bradshaw´s last blog ..Wealth Creation – Coffee and Internet Marketing
I commented down the bottom with my thoughts but meant to comment here.
Also want to say great summing up. We get entrenched in a rut but it’s about finding our way out – that’s if we really want to.
So very true Jo. As a new mother myself I know how much time I have found to spend with my son. It was too often challenged with tv time and now, with tv time limited, my time is my time and when my son is awake he’s my number 1 focus.
If everyone got rid of their television or at least limited their time watching it so much more would get done. We all have 24 hours in a day, like Napoleon Hill said in Think and Grow Rich, it’s what we do with each hour that counts.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..So Absolutely Thrilled I’m Shaking-
G’day Sean,
When I first started working as a pianist in the Sydney clubs in the 1970 s my sight-reading of music was below the average standard, and I used to tell myself over and over that I was hopeless at it, and should be a labourer or bus driver. [ All other aspects of my playing were very good. ] It was of course a self fulfilling prediction, and I continued being below average at sight-reading. The Law of Attraction all over !
After months of this I decided to take lessons to improve, and part of the teaching was, as you’ve said in this article, being kind to oneself or being one’s own best friend. This was a large part of my lessons and was encouraged by the teacher. It worked, and is still working OK
Thankyou Claire
Cheers
Harry
Harry Lynn´s last blog ..How Proud Can One Be ?
I think for some, myself included, I can’t be my own best friend until I get to know myself again. Anyone care to make the introduction?? *grin*
With the general wear and tear of the daily grind that most of us exist in, we tend to lose sight of who WE are. So we need to take the time to get to know us again, and then built up that relationship, and be supportive of who we are, what we want and where we are heading!
Cheers,
Pete
Pete´s last blog ..peteboyr: @bullhunter Thanks, Sean. Just reviewing the webinar, and will get to your blogs after that. Big night ahead, pizza on the way!
Hi Sean,
this is a great post, I love it!
It is so important to get along with yourself, and even better be your own best friend, as you can’t get away from you. You will always be around so you better be nice to yourself and give you the support that you deserve.
And most likely will you be treating others the way you treat yourself – which is an added bonus!
Renee´s last blog ..Self Improvement Books – What Are Your Favourites
Too true you can never get away from yourself and if you don’t want to be around yourself, why would anyone else??
Sean this is so fulfilling in life. Do to others what you want them to do for you. Being your own best friend is the only way you can accept yourself as a person in any situation. Great post!!
Rose
Rose Kawe´s last blog ..Do I Feel Lucky Well Do Ya
This post is a reminder to remember to take check of myself from time to time and make sure I am also being my own best friend. A lot of points really stood out and hit home. Our life is a mystery but will we ever fully understand it? Probably not but a good starting point is to look at ourselves in the mirror.
Why not look at your business habits too. Would you employ yourself?
So true Bernadette. Honestly I wouldn’t employ myself! It’s so easy to look and ourselves in the mirror but it takes only a second to forget how we look like!
Rose Kawe´s last blog ..Go Ahead Watch My YouTube-
When I look in the mirror – memory loss is an advantage!
ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS focus on the positive points NO MATTER HOW SMALL – with friends, family, work, well with your whole life in fact.
The negative points can so easily take over.
If we don’t take time out and nurture ourselves we could easily head down the path to crash in a screaming heap. We have to look after and help ‘Number 1′ because if we don’t we will be in no position to help anyone else.
That’s the right word and concept – nurture. Taking that to heart is what will make it all real and working for us
This is a great quote of Jim Rohn’s that’s on my favourites list.
The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.” Now I say, “I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me”.
Excellent thing to say Bernadette. The world would be a much better place if we depended more on ourselves than on everyone else.
If we woke up each morning asking ourselves what we want to do to make ourselves happy can you just imagine how much would be gained?
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..Asking the Universe
Yes Sarah. The key there is ‘when we wake up EACH morning’.
We can also reflect on what we are grateful for each morning and each night. It may be just one small thing in your world of turmoil but it’s one thing you can use to keep yourself moving forward.
That makes real good emotional and psychological sense. It avoids co-dependency problems, is assertive and postive
We all do this and it’s difficult to snap out of it but once we do it’s the greatest thing in the world. To be able to do something and think to yourself “that’s pretty terrific” is far beyond the feeling of gratification we get when someone else recognizes it.
Some days I can be my own best friend and other days, most days unfortunately, I do look in the mirror and see what I’m doing wrong.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..Asking the Universe
It’s very easy for us to be critical of ourselves. We are too modest to say compliment ourselves.
How easy would it be to write down 5 things you really like about your best friend? Pretty easy, right?
How easy would it be to write down 5 things you really like about yourself? Hmmmmm.
My tip for becoming your own best friend EVERY DAY is to write down 5 things (or more if you want) that you REALLY like about yourself. Instead of writing ‘I ….’ write your name in instead. e.g. ‘Jane Doe has excellent communication skills’ instead of ‘I have excellent communication skills’.
Each morning when you get up read them out loud. More than once is necessary.
P.S. It may take a while to compile your list. You can always start with one thing and add to it. It’s important that your list is things YOU think you like about yourself not what other people like about you.
It could even start with something as simple as ‘Jane Doe has a great smile’.
If you think you have a great smile would probably be a good one to start with because smiling always makes you feel good. If it’s a struggle, smile for a bit longer! It will happen!
I like Bernadette’s comment about writing down 5 things etc.
Too often our negative self-talk (in the subconscious) makes us work and react negatively too. And, it becomes habitual.
One of the techniques for treating people with depression is to get them to look at their self-talk by writing it out. This brings it into the conscious world – then get them to re-write their thoughts etc in postive modes of expression. This helps break the subconscious habit of negativity.
It is something anyone can do, regardless of mood. Writing out positive statements about self etc makes it more concrete and also more real – it is not just lurking in the back of our minds.
There’s such a stigma between self confident and egotistical. People fear saying something wonderful about themselves, what they love or who they are because they think they will be perceived as cocky and arrogant instead of confident and knowledgeable of their self worth.
If people would worry less about what others think of them and more about what they think of others we’d all be much better off.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..Asking the Universe
I think many people don’t appreciate the diference between being assertive and arrogance or egostistical.
Assertive doesn’t mean being aggressive, pushing self forward at another’s expense – but simply being self and not letting others take your rights away – espceially your right to be you
G’day Sean,
I love the idea of being my own best friend, and work hard to keep the friendship operating at maximum RPM [ revs per minute ]
Any time there is self criticism about any portion of my life, my usual reaction is to concentrate on my vision board of goals, and imagine if all the parts thereof had come to fruition, OR what to do to make them come to fruition. Funny thing – it makes me very friendly with me. A 20 minute meditation also helps to centre myself, and that makes me friendly with me.
Cheers
Harry
Harry Lynn´s last blog ..SEAN RASMUSSEN’S ” LEARN AND EARN ” COMPETITION
Very wise Harry. I try to live by the same rules but am sometimes too exhausted to even think of them, let alone follow them.
I love this Learn and Earn competition not only for the internet marketing lessons but the lessons in life I learn from each of Sean’s commenter’s. It’s amazing that we can all carry on such a deep conversation when we all agree on what’s being said. Most of my conversations involve someone disagreeing.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..Asking the Universe
I would have to aspire to being my own best friend at maximum RPM. In my opinion I am pretty good most of the time but there are times when I ‘fall off the wagon’ (but isn’t this the wild west??).
Maybe that’s a good reason to make sure that my affirmations are in my bag, pocket etc. I don’t say that I go to my dream board when I’m not being my best friend but that’s a good idea.
For you in NZ – might be the wild East! LOL. Sometimes a good tactic to remember to do some self-affirmation is to put one on the family noticeboard or fridge door – so it is shared and others might also be encouraged.
Don’t tell them why you put it there – let them mull it over and wonder etc.
Maybe I’m just an odd ball over at the east but I have them around the house ie bedroom, office, fridge, dining area. Not just affirmations but also some are goals with dates on them.
My husband got sick of one and took it down and put it in the bin. I took it out and put it back up!
Sarah and Bernadette,
Thanks for those comments. An E-zine article I wrote some time ago may be of interest to you, as it tells of a novel way of getting rid of all those nasty negative emotions we so often find weighing us down, and reducing the chances of being our own best friend.
Here ’tis :- http://ezinearticles.com/?Flushing-Or-Burning-Negatives&id=3554035 Feel free to add a comment or FB / Digg / Tweet, etc.
Cheers
Harry
Harry Lynn´s last blog ..SEAN RASMUSSEN’S ” LEARN AND EARN ” COMPETITION
Fantastic stuff thanks Harry. It doesn’t seem off the wall to me at all. In fact, it sounds like a good option.
I have worked on the theory of feeding the positive energy in and feeding the positive energy in, in the effort of making the positive more powerful of the negative.
When we are sick the the virus, bug has to leave our body to become well. Just pouring in medication does not expel it.
I am not looking at the negative thoughts in a different light. Maybe they too have to be like the virus and be removed via burning or flushing. That way the positive energy would have a better chance of survival.
Negative thoughts may be more powerful but we only have so much room. Like the glass filled with sand doesn’t leave room for rocks, a heart full of wonder, delight, positive energy and love leaves room only for growth of such things.
Be your own best friend today and everyday and forget about the other option.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..A House of Straw
I will be checking that out, thanks Harry.
To be your own best friend takes a lot from yourself but also a bit from others. You need to be able to surround yourself with like minded people who give a hoot about you so that you can bounce off them when the going gets tough.
You, Harry, are one that seems to have a rubbery positive way about you. Thank you. I feel it should be easy for you to be your own best friend although I’m only seeing a small glimpse of who you are.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..A House of Straw
This is so true as we all forget about ourselves, and then we have nothing left in the tanks to give.
When we have nothing left, how can we help others.
I love this post Sean, and a topic dear to my own heart
.
Many years ago, I was fortunate enough to meet Louise Hay, who has had a huge impact on my life. She talks a lot about the connect between our emotions and illness. She talks about being able to look in the mirror and say ‘I love you’. This is not a concept that comes easy to most.
Another couple of points that i believe are important to be your own best friend include, being able to trust yourself, and learning to listen to your intuition.
Hilary´s last blog ..Indoor Air Quality
I have always been my own worst critic. It took me years to learn to not be quite so critical of myself. I’m still learning, but I have also learned to listen more to those around me who are much more gentle with me than I am. There aren’t many, as I have few friends, and most of those are family. But, I am getting better.
We’re all your friends here (taking it upon myself to speak on everyone’s behalf) and want to help you succeed. Some of us are more effective on our own and friends aren’t everything. It can be nice, don’t get me wrong, to have a birthday party with people showing up but sometimes a quiet dinner with a loved one is all you need to be revived.
You can tell who your true friends are when you are still striving to be successful to know who to remain friends with when you are successful.
Besides, when you learn to love yourself and realize you’re terrific others will realize it as well and your friends will soon out number your family members.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..So Absolutely Thrilled I’m Shaking-
Thank you for speaking on my behalf. Being your own best friend is great because it allows you to enjoy those things on your own. Anyway on my own is not by myself because there is me, myself AND I!
It is also good to spend time with different types of friends because they are all important – close friends as well as a number of friends forming a group.
A couple of my favourites about friends:
“A friend is someone who reaches for your hand but touches your heart”
“A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out” Grace Pulpit
I second Bernadette’s remarks. I especially like her last quote – having been in that position.
I have responded to Sarah just above (on July 4). She had wondered how you could be your best friend daily. They may be helpful for you if you haven’t read it. You’ve already mentioned one great one in your comment that could start your list. Sometimes it can take a bit of work to change a thought process.
Harry posted a comment about an e-zine he wrote about negative thoughts and writing them down to either flush them down the toilet or set them on fire. Maybe it might be something you could apply to how you feel about yourself.
I have a dream board on the wall in the dining area and along the top I put ‘Every day in every way I’m getting better and better’. The kids are facing towards it when they are at the table and I often here them saying it out loud.
That wasn’t the purpose of it being in that spot but has been a bonus.
That’s an excellent idea that I’ve always wanted to put into effect but never find the time. I have to make the time and will because of you and how it effects your children.
I love that what you do relates so effectively to your children. The subconscious is an amazing thing that we often forget about. It’s one thing to preach to your children but to do something you do everyone and realize they are learning so much from that is something else entirely.
You have some very fortunate to have you as a mother.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..So Absolutely Thrilled I’m Shaking-
You have to consciously make the time for yourself or it will not happen. Never finding the time will continue to be until you plan it.
Subconscious plays a much bigger role then we realise especially with things pertaining to ourselves. There may be some ’stuff’ rattling around in there stopping us from being our own best friend.
I saw a movie tonight where a lady had a post it on her bathroom mirror with some positive affirmations about herself which she read out loud when she got out of the shower.
Later in the movie, without big explanation, was in a situation where she was upset and alone and she started saying these affirmations to herself. She started to laugh. She ‘picked’ herself up and carried on. How powerful were those four sentences!
It’s amazing how our memory works. When times are tough to be able to pull out the positive affirmations is awesome. I do get down, of course – everyone does – but most times I can take a step back and then a step or two up.
Some days my husband catches me in my moods and I vent but in the same conversation, and with his wise coaching, I’m able to see the light.
Just the other night he said something so smart – that we’re both thinking positively but I’m too far in the future where he’s just about tomorrow. Meaning, for example, I want a best selling novel (it’s not even published yet) and he is wanting me to get it edited. He looks at the small steps toward the same end – I just want to jump to the end.
From now on, I’m experiencing everything the journey has to offer.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..So Absolutely Thrilled I’m Shaking-
It’s important to have both, Sarah. You are not thinking too far into the future.
If you thinking of being in the tree tops and you don’t quite get there you might land on the fence. But if you shoot for the moon and land on a star you are much further ahead.
Think of having a best selling novel and the publishing will just happen.
Everyone will have a down moment of some sort. That’s ok. It’s how long you stay there and what you do about it that is critical.
I think at one time or another we all are too hard on ourselves and get down in the dumps. I must admit joining he competition has lifted my spirits 200% or maybe more.
Thanks for that.
Leigh
I like that comment Leigh.
I must admit it has also raised my spirits a few hundred percentage points too. It is the learning we are getting that is encouraging AND all the wonderful comments of participants that is a real boon.
Being my own best friend right now is about managing my expectations.
I don’t want to downsize my expectations but at the same time have a check there is some reality to them.
Right now with school holidays I want to be spending the time with the boys but I also don’t want to miss out on learning. The reality to not to expect that I try and put as much work into the day as well as the time with the boys.
This last couple of days I have been struggling with a balance.
Time for some time out with myself to think and take stock of the important things and put them in order of importance.
You are the most important as you need to be in a happy state of mind to absorb anything and to pass on love to your children.
Money isn’t everything, it’s an object and value society has put on things that really aren’t important. Our family is our priority so be with them, completely with them and then, if there’s time left over after doing what you truly wanted to do that day, then you learn to earn.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..So Absolutely Thrilled I’m Shaking-
That reminds me of the old saying Sarah, “some people know the price of everything, but the value of nothing”
When I do due diligence and be true to myself not only do I make myself a better best friend it puts me in a better space to share that firstly with those closest and important to me.
Then they feel more contented with the time I spend with them and happy to spend some time being their own best friend too.
Win/win all round
Passing on the gift of being their own best friend -
“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” Unknown source.
Great points Sean….I have so many jobs running all at once that I get fully p#ssed off at myself when they are not perfect..other crew will say they are awesome but I just see the cracks in the wall not the beautiful picture…but I wouldn’t critize a stranger this way….I think I will try the mirror task \m/
What’s great Jody is you are aware of how you see yourself. That leads into bringing about the thinking to make a change.
We can be our own worse critics. Write yourself some things that you like about yourself and what you are good at. Each time you start looking at ‘the cracks in the wall’ think or read those positive affirmations.
Nothing wrong with doing the ‘perfect’ job, it’s just recognising that you have already done it.
Definition of a rut: A grave with the ends removed.
I was in one of those until I made a choice. I choose to look within myself and take a good hard look. The only person that was going to change that dark place was me.
I had a meeting with myself and got to work.
We often need that meeting with ourselves, that alone time to refocus and see what we really want in the end. That’s the only way to figure out where the start even is!
I like that definition in a creepy kind of way but it’s true. If we always do things for others and never ourselves we simply continue to did our own rut and it eventually becomes a grave for all of what we could have been – endless possibilities.
If we do something for ourselves, be who we want to be we’ll have time left over to help others do the same.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..So Absolutely Thrilled I’m Shaking-
Me, myself and I don’t always agree on things so therefore a bit of a meeting is called for to discuss and resolve the issue.
Sometimes we compromise but mostly find the appropriate solution to maintain being best friends.
You could almost say that it is a ‘dead end’ then? Pardon the pun – but that is how it works out doesn’t it?
It is up to us and no one else to decide it’s too early to give up
Hi Sarah,
People say that the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. I think we could all be a little kinder to ourselves. We wouldn’t dream of harshly criticising anyone the way we do ourselves.
I think we’d be far more successful if we encouraged ourselves the way we do other people. Also, we do need to take time to do things for ourselves. Most people think that this is selfish.
I don’t think it is. I think if you’ve had a bad day at work; it’s important to take the time to go to the gym and work out your frustrations. It’s better than taking a bad attitude home and inflicting it on the people you love.
Jazz Salinger´s last blog ..Finding Your Passion
I very much agree Jazz. Taking time for ourselves is healing and should be taken every day, if even a few extra minutes in the bath versus a quick shower. Just to stand outside and breath in fresh air without having to worry about someone else for that brief moment can sometimes be all we need to reset.
A bad day at work is just that and you have to leave it behind so that your next day or your day at home can be good. A bad “day” doesn’t have to last all day if you can just take a break from it all, change your mindset and tackle it like a stained shirt. If one thing doesn’t work try another detergent.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..A House of Straw
Being our own best friend is just being who we are and doing that well.
We aren’t recognising the greatness in being ourselves when we try to be someone else.
I went for a bike ride with myself yesterday while listening to Artemis Limpert. Here’s a thought that stuck with me.
Do you think it is possible to be the person everybody likes? In our mind we know that it is not possible but how many of us are trying to figure out who it is that everyone wants to be friends with.
There is no such person. Be your own best friend and happy and content with yourself and have people like YOU for who YOU are.
That’s a good and applicable quote, Sadly, there are many who try to be that person who everyone likes and who end up the loneliest because they have failed to be the person they could be and are – and that would be the person everyone likes.
I think it’s more the thought of how do we change to have this person approve of me. But of you are to change you’re not you. Of course we all do change with each circumstance and person we meet but it’s something we gradually do versus do before we realize it’s happening.
I often get growled at by family members and sit and ponder what I did wrong and mope while I try to figure out why they thought my actions or words so wrong. It’s a process but I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that just because they are family doesn’t mean they agree with who I am. I am who I am because I love who I am and am open to change but not open to getting rid of the parts of me I admire.
Be your own best friend and you’ll figure out that your other friends will accept that and embrace you.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..A House of Straw
And, stick to that self belief too Sarah. Our self esteem comes from within us – not from something or someone externally. Sure, others good opinion etc can affect us, but in the long run it is what we do that builds up a healthy self image.
Hi Sean
Being your own best friend is just looking at the relationship you have with yourself. Too often we carry on in life blaming others or seeing others faults. That is just a waste of energy and fuelling the negative energy. Self nurture and self acceptance is the key.
The only way to lead is by example and often there is no speech attached to that. It is just a disposition.
When you like who you are, you will feel happy and people will ‘feel’ your happiness.
I often think I have a wonderful relationship with myself but then I let what others think and say bother me and I keep them with me far too long. Although I think I’m strong I am weak when it comes to negative criticism that is not constructive.
I have to start practicing what I preach and type.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..River’s End Was Brilliant!
How about sharing this with yourself on a daily basis and truly be a best friend from within.
http://www.seanrasmussen.com/sean-rasmussen/the-secret-formula-to-my-success/comment-page-1/#comment-25579
“I will not be denied my joy by someone else who does not understand who I am. I will not settle for anything less. It is NOT an option.” – Tony Robbins
Tony Robbins sounds like a strong man who is his own best friend and we can learn a lot from not only this quote but I’m sure he has a lot more wisdom to share.
Thanks for sharing that.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..River’s End Was Brilliant!
I’m not sure if you realised that Tony is Anthony Robbins. He had only put Tony on that particular quote so I did too.
If you are not sure who he is you can look him up on google. He is a world reknown self-help author, motivational speaker and mentor.
No I didn’t but in relation to being my own best friend I’m going to take a minute or two to look him up, share some of his quotes and ponder in their meaning. Not necessarily in that order.
Thanks Bernadette- I certainly have a lot of reading to do between emails, new posts by Sean Rasmussen and now this. So inspired to share with everyone I know though.
Sarah Butland´s last blog ..Kelly Moran Took Me On Summer’s Road