In your life, it would seem like you would do everything you could to avoid pain. After all, that’s the way our bodies are designed and that’s what our instincts were crafted to do. “Avoiding pain” is a great motivator, yet pain is not something most of us seek out. So why do we still experience so much of it?
The Motivation For Pain
You might want to ask yourself what your motivation for pain really is. This sounds like a trick question, but if you are honest with yourself, you might be surprised to admit that you do have a reason for being in pain. For example, if you notice that people pay attention to you when you have a headache, you might notice you get more headaches. If you see that you simply get attention when another drama unfolds in your life, you might (albeit subconsciously) encourage more drama in your life. This can also be referred to as a control drama.
The Vicious Cycle of Perceived Pain
It can become a vicious cycle of pain that we don’t even recognize anymore because we’re so hooked. Only after sitting alone and thinking about our run ins with pain can we begin to see a pattern of our own involvement. Even when it seems like there’s no root cause to our pain, we can trace it back to a skewed perception of a situation, turning it into a painful ordeal instead of something that just rolls off our backs. Could it just be an excuse we give ourselves to bail out of another situation that we are not comfortable in?
Control Dramas and Comfort Zones
Pain is a pretty good reason to stop doing what you are working on right now! We tend to play out little control dramas to ourselves and make up stories and excuses that justify and give us reason to quit. Don’t recognize these symptoms? Well, welcome to superhero status! Most people have this ability. I fight off these excuses every day. Sometimes they come by thick and fast. I know that’s when I’m out of my comfort zone.
So how can we stop the perceived pain? First of all, there are some rules to life that you might want to begin following:
- Emotions. Don’t take things personally
- Concience. You aren’t the only one that has to do everything
- Guilt. You don’t have to be anything more than who you are (or want to be)
Control The Situation
You can start this process of relearning your pain responses by writing down everything that causes you pain in a journal for a few days.
Once this time is over, look over the things you have listed and honestly assess whether you could have controlled the situation. If you could have, then you know you are inflicting your own pain. And now you can do something about it!
You can read more about Control Dramas in “The Celestine Prophecy” by James Redfield.
Have a most outstanding day
Sean Rasmussen
Success Communicator
SeanRasmussen.com © 2004 – 2008
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Very appropriate, Sean. Pain is only something our mind manifest and can be manipulated to whom that desires to control it. We see elite athletes, the Anzacs and many others who have overcome the fear of pain and became champions.
To dissociate yourself with pain, when meditating or in a high state of mental awareness you could create like a box where you put it all your problems in and then lock it. Give it a “This is SPARTA!!!’ and kick it into space, into the ocean or into a ditch.
What do you have to lose. If you took the chance to control pain and proceed to be sucessful are you far better of than not proceeding at all.
Control pain, don’t let it control you.
Jake OUT!
Well said, Jake. It is definitely mind over matter. No question about that.
This seems to be something that manifests from our development and envirnment we grew up in. Especially if this is something we have seen our friends or even parents do. Sadly, I know too many that are trapped in this cycle…
Lisa´s last blog ..Sign Language for Babies
Emotional pain is our own reaction to things that happen. The mother of a friend is a hypochondriac – her way of getting attention is to maon and complain about her physical condition. I know another guy who is constantly in emotional turmoil because he can’t form a long term relationship. I see people who get upset if someone cuts in front of them in traffic or if they miss the green traffic light. But the truth of the matter is that all of these people have become comfortable with the way they react to certain situations. I once heard that people aren’t happy unless they have something to complain about. While I am not sure I agree with that it does suggest that people are comfortable in their pain.
In recent times I have made some major changes to the way I live my life. In 2003 I decided to change the way I looked at myself and the world. I started making different choices about how I reacted to situations and I am a much happier person for it.
Hi Sean,
I think that if you’re in a situation that you don’t like and you have been trying to change it and failing; you need to ask yourself what the payoff is for it. There is a reason why we are living with a situation that we profess to hate. We have to be able to be really honest with ourselves.
When we get honest about why we are doing this, it will become easier to change the situation and get a more positive result. The times that I have been guilty of this; I’ve been sabotaging myself because of fear. Once I realized and acknowledged the fear; I could make the changes I needed to move forward.
Very true Jazz.
Elly´s last blog ..
Giving power to pain…I never want to be there again if you have ever had serious back injury causing pain you will understand it may not be that easy, I know what I have to do to ensure the pain does not return as I know if I do certain things I get a warning niggle so I stop.
That is where my power over pain is, other types of pain are far more easily controlled or eliminated and I will not give any power to it again.
It is interesting how pain can be used as an excuse to give up on things rather than seeking a solution which doesn’t involve pain. An example of this me was some knee pain I started developing while running. Initially I tried to exercise through it and went to a physio to try and get treatment to fix it. When this didn’t work I stopped running altogether as I didn’t want to risk permanent damage.
While a legitimate excuse, it took me many many months before I went to a specialist to confirm if there was long term damage being done. In the mean time I would try running from time to time, but always ended up defeated. Once I actually committed to seeing a specialist to confirm whether my fears were well founded, I rapidly got a solution of sorts to my problem.
The Dr told me I wasn’t doing permanent damage, but that I needed to do specific exercises to make the pain go away. So I quickly bought myself a knee strap and decided to tentatively get back into running, and discovered that courtesy of the strap my knee held together well enough so that running ceased to be anywhere near as painful. I’m still working on getting my knee completely better, but am running as much as I want by using the strap and am no longer motivated to avoid running in order to avoid pain. If only I had invested in the $25 knee strap upfront I would have saved many months and hundreds of dollars in physio fees.
Tom McEwin´s last blog ..Getting Targeted Internet Traffic and a Hungry Crowd
Yes the thought of pain can be overpowering. However I have learnt to deal with it.
For a time I would get overpowering headaches which I thought would never end. I was almost expecting it to happen.
I finally got over it by just putting up with the pain without reaching for the pills. Gradually it got less and less and then gone.
The power of the mind!
Gee´s last blog ..Search Engine Optimization Tips For Baby Boomers
Great Post Sean,
I am not a big believer in medication. Actually I can not remember the last time I visted the doctor. Since moving house we haven’t even checked out where the local doctor is. If I do happen to get a tension headache its usually from lack of sleep so its simple, i go straight to sleep. I am into popping pain relief and stay away from even panadol.
Its actually true how they say that if you are relying on pain medication for headaches/sore backs etc, after awhile the medication no longer works. Pain is usually associated to what is going on around you, so I agree Sean – have a look at what the issue is in your life before masking the issue. We have a drama king in our house, and we have learnt the best way to deal with the behaviour is too ignore. It soon stops the dramatic behaviour in a heart beat.
Great Post, reminds me how to stay healthy.
Lisa Wood´s last blog ..Searching For Gratitude Rocks
G’day Lisa,
Like you I do not like painkillers and also like you can’t remember the last pain pill I took. If I have a trace of a headache [ very rare ] a cup of coffee usually does the trick – good excuse for coffee ! It seems to shrink blood vesells which are under tension and BINGO ! all gone headache. Yippee
Cheers
Harry
Harry Lynn´s last blog ..How Proud Can One Be ?
It takes a lot of honesty to do this review properly. It’s a breakthrough if you can do it.
Lina Nguyen´s last blog ..How to make comments online and build your online persona
Pain has been a BIG motivator in my life. A friend at school asked me to bend his finger back to demonstrate his lack of pain experience. I experienced excruciating pain with a fraction of the force I applied to him. I wonder where his pain free life has led him to now?
Wal Heinrich´s last blog ..Internet Marketing Why? How?
G’day Sean,
It is important to concentrate on how well you feel, how supple you feel, how healthy you feel, how energetic you fell rather than any of the WOE IS ME syndromes. I am blessed with excellent health energy drive and focus, and my morning routine of a 3-5 Km walk whilst speaking aloud what wonderful health and other blessings I enjoy contribute immensely to that state. It is in fact reciting aloud what I am GRATEFUL for.
Sadly a member of our family has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia and is in permanent pain. My job is to remain in good / excellent health so I can act as support.
Cheers
Harry
Harry Lynn´s last blog ..How Proud Can One Be ?
Good old James Redfield – a resource for sure. You are right about the issue, and I think a lot of what we get stuck on are the bits of belief we adopted before we knew we had a choice about what, and how, we think. Your advice of writing it down seems a wise technique – we allow ourselves expression while at the same time detaching and looking at it later in a better state of mind.
Whatever it takes, learning to have a relationship with yourself is good – and then what we do becomes clearer, as do our choices.
Jo Carey-Bradshaw´s last blog ..Empowering Mindset – Mindfulness
There is some interesting ideas here for me to pursue and to make things a little easier. I like the paragraph control the situation. in other ideas identify the the things that drag us down and then look at ways to control those feelings.
Richard Colum´s last blog ..Tips for First Time Home Buyers
Pain is another excuse to completely fail at something and to know that as you are causing your own pain is just soooper!! Oh no, I am not talking about myself here – that would be just nuts.
I keep telling my friend to just stop it. I said you know you don’t want to do this to yourself anymore so just STOP! I said look at what is causing you to feel this way & think about what you do want. My friend said – I want to feel in control of my actions because I feel as if I am not in control of my life. I said – get a plan of action. It’s the first step towards feeling in control – because you are always in control regardless of what you think.
Some people like having dramas in their life so they can say “These things always happen to me.” How often have we heard that phrase or said it to ourselves??
Samantha Banfield´s last blog ..Sean Rasmussen and his crazy talk!
Hi Sean
Guilt is one of the most detrimental and negative emotions in existence. Many people suffer body pain because of guilt they hold onto, usually inherited from a young age and can make them feel so depressed and unworthy they they find it really difficult to change.
One of the most debilitating dis-eases of our time is depression and it is increasingly becoming a huge problem in society. The hardest thing to change in a person is their belief system, beliefs about themselves and beliefs (religious, cultural and societal) that they have inherited from their family and society.
For these people I would say to really examine their beliefs and to ask “where or who did these beliefs come from?”
Most beliefs are inherited. I would say to a depressed person “really look at your beliefs and see if they can be substantiated – if not then why hold on to them?”
It’s a good place to start.
Elly´s last blog ..
Hello,
What I found interesting about this post on control dramas was at the end because it turns out I am Listening to the audio of the celestine prophesy… Amazing
Not sure how this all relates to Internet Marketing???
Hi Leigh,
it depends what you see as being part or rleated to Internet Marketing.
If you avoid the pain of putting yourself out there, you won’t go far with Internet Marketing (or anything else). You will not be an action taker, which will limit your success online (as well as offline).
Renee´s last blog ..Self Improvement Books – What Are Your Favourites
Hi Renee,
I’m with you. It’s not easy to succeed in Internet Marketing and this post is all about helping you to identify what the excuses are that you use when you want to quit.
When you can honestly identify the excuses you use to let you off the hook of something that you’re looking to quit with; you’ll be on your way to success.
Jazz Salinger´s last blog ..Finding Your Passion
Interesting post Sean,
Emotional education could possibly be the most important skill set to help anyone get through life.
I too fight off excuses every day & find that I have a better chance of winning by attempting to maintain a conscious awareness of where they are coming from & why.
This is certainly a different slant on things – but well worth considering.
One of the things that is needed in internet marketing is the ability (freedom?) to move out of our comfort zone – which we often hide in thinking that to move beyond it is unsafe – yet that isn’t necessasarily so.
Sometimes the ‘walls’ of our comfort zone are there because of fear of failure – so we don’t do anything; sometimes because of sheer laziness; sometimes because of a negative mindset; sometimes because we are too risk aversive … and so on.
The thing is about those ‘walls’ is that they can stifle creativity, original and lateral thinking, and a sense of the curious or of adventure – elements needed to be successful above the mundane and ordinary – qualities we need for success online.
Sean is a good example of what I mean in that last point. He had a comfort zone in his work as an electrician – but he pushed through the walls …. and, lo and behold, it wasn’t unsafe or detrimental, but the path to a new adventure and successful venture.