In your life, it would seem like you would do everything you could to avoid pain. After all, that’s the way our bodies are designed and that’s what our instincts were crafted to do. “Avoiding pain” is a great motivator, yet pain is not something most of us seek out. So why do we still experience so much of it?
The Motivation For Pain
You might want to ask yourself what your motivation for pain really is. This sounds like a trick question, but if you are honest with yourself, you might be surprised to admit that you do have a reason for being in pain. For example, if you notice that people pay attention to you when you have a headache, you might notice you get more headaches. If you see that you simply get attention when another drama unfolds in your life, you might (albeit subconsciously) encourage more drama in your life. This can also be referred to as a control drama.
The Vicious Cycle of Perceived Pain
It can become a vicious cycle of pain that we don’t even recognize anymore because we’re so hooked. Only after sitting alone and thinking about our run ins with pain can we begin to see a pattern of our own involvement. Even when it seems like there’s no root cause to our pain, we can trace it back to a skewed perception of a situation, turning it into a painful ordeal instead of something that just rolls off our backs. Could it just be an excuse we give ourselves to bail out of another situation that we are not comfortable in?
Control Dramas and Comfort Zones
Pain is a pretty good reason to stop doing what you are working on right now! We tend to play out little control dramas to ourselves and make up stories and excuses that justify and give us reason to quit. Don’t recognize these symptoms? Well, welcome to superhero status! Most people have this ability. I fight off these excuses every day. Sometimes they come by thick and fast. I know that’s when I’m out of my comfort zone.
So how can we stop the perceived pain? First of all, there are some rules to life that you might want to begin following:
- Emotions. Don’t take things personally
- Concience. You aren’t the only one that has to do everything
- Guilt. You don’t have to be anything more than who you are (or want to be)
Control The Situation
You can start this process of relearning your pain responses by writing down everything that causes you pain in a journal for a few days.
Once this time is over, look over the things you have listed and honestly assess whether you could have controlled the situation. If you could have, then you know you are inflicting your own pain. And now you can do something about it!
You can read more about Control Dramas in “The Celestine Prophecy” by James Redfield.
Have a most outstanding day
Sean Rasmussen
Success Communicator
SeanRasmussen.com © 2004 – 2008
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Very appropriate, Sean. Pain is only something our mind manifest and can be manipulated to whom that desires to control it. We see elite athletes, the Anzacs and many others who have overcome the fear of pain and became champions.
To dissociate yourself with pain, when meditating or in a high state of mental awareness you could create like a box where you put it all your problems in and then lock it. Give it a “This is SPARTA!!!’ and kick it into space, into the ocean or into a ditch.
What do you have to lose. If you took the chance to control pain and proceed to be sucessful are you far better of than not proceeding at all.
Control pain, don’t let it control you.
Jake OUT!
Well said, Jake. It is definitely mind over matter. No question about that.
This seems to be something that manifests from our development and envirnment we grew up in. Especially if this is something we have seen our friends or even parents do. Sadly, I know too many that are trapped in this cycle…
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Emotional pain is our own reaction to things that happen. The mother of a friend is a hypochondriac – her way of getting attention is to maon and complain about her physical condition. I know another guy who is constantly in emotional turmoil because he can’t form a long term relationship. I see people who get upset if someone cuts in front of them in traffic or if they miss the green traffic light. But the truth of the matter is that all of these people have become comfortable with the way they react to certain situations. I once heard that people aren’t happy unless they have something to complain about. While I am not sure I agree with that it does suggest that people are comfortable in their pain.
In recent times I have made some major changes to the way I live my life. In 2003 I decided to change the way I looked at myself and the world. I started making different choices about how I reacted to situations and I am a much happier person for it.
Hi Sean,
I think that if you’re in a situation that you don’t like and you have been trying to change it and failing; you need to ask yourself what the payoff is for it. There is a reason why we are living with a situation that we profess to hate. We have to be able to be really honest with ourselves.
When we get honest about why we are doing this, it will become easier to change the situation and get a more positive result. The times that I have been guilty of this; I’ve been sabotaging myself because of fear. Once I realized and acknowledged the fear; I could make the changes I needed to move forward.